


you make it shine

by asael



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asael/pseuds/asael
Summary: In the aftermath of everything, Lukas wants to get back to normal, or at least to being okay. Philip is an essential part of that.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notraelet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notraelet/gifts).



> This is a Christmas gift for Rae, who is the best roommate I could possibly ask for, a fantastic writer and a wonderful person who let me drag her into Eyewitness hell with me. Huge thanks to Kels for betaing!
> 
> The title is from 'Shine' by Years & Years.
> 
> Not actually set post-series, but rather in that gap of time before the 'One Month Later' epilogue.

Going back to something resembling normal life isn’t easy.

Lukas guesses that’s probably not a surprise to anyone but him. And it’s not a surprise to him either, not really, it’s just - he really wanted everything to go back to normal. The killer is dead, he and Philip are safe, everything’s wrapped up in a tidy little package with a bow on top. If the world was fair, he’d be able to step right back into his old life like nothing happened.

Maybe it’s immature to think that, but that’s what Lukas wanted. He knows, though, that it could never really have happened. No matter how hard he wished.

Instead, it’s nightmares, waking up covered with cold sweat after vivid images of the inside of car trunks, the terror on Philip’s face. It’s freezing for a moment and having trouble breathing when he sees someone who looks, from behind, like Ryan Kane. It’s Philip, tears on his cheeks, falling apart when Helen tells him about his mother.

It’s all the kids at school, treating them differently. Some of them think it’s cool that something so crazy happened to them, and Lukas likes them best even if it makes him a little sick to his stomach. But he’ll take the awed questions about what getting shot felt like over the sickly-sweet pity, the soft voices and overly self-conscious comments. It feels like they’re walking on glass around him, afraid of making it worse or seeing him as some kind of damaged thing.

Lukas hates it. Philip doesn’t seem to notice, but Philip barely seems to notice anything for the first couple of weeks after his mom dies.

Lukas is out of the hospital before too long, but they don’t have to go back to school for a little while. Lukas is pretty sure Philip could have asked to stay away for longer, but he doesn’t. He goes back when Lukas does and deals with the same weird stuff.

Philip keeps it together pretty well in public, but by now Lukas knows him well enough to see some of the cracks underneath that. It’s weird, because Lukas had his own shit to deal with, he knows he didn’t always pay enough attention, but somehow he picked up this stuff anyway. Somehow when the other kids at school look at Philip they don’t pick up all the little tells, the way his jaw tightens when someone says the wrong thing, the faintest sheen of tears in his eyes that tells Lukas he’s thinking about his mom.

Philip could probably make a bunch of friends right now if he wanted. He could probably be popular. They both have that whole ‘almost got killed and helped catch a murderer’ thing going for them. Plus, Lukas hangs out with him now. It’s… well, it’s kind of weird, and he isn’t sure what anyone thinks, and it makes him nervous sometimes. It’s not like he holds Philip’s hand at school or anything, but he gives him rides to and from school when Helen lets him, they walk together in the halls, they eat lunch together.

Philip didn’t really have friends before, and he could now if he wanted, but he doesn’t seem to. Lukas is, at first, kind of annoyed by this - but fuck, his mom just died. Sometimes it’s easy to forget it because Lukas barely knew Anne and because Philip is so good at keeping his shit together, but then it’ll hit him again.

He doesn’t remember his own mom that much. Memories come back sometimes, but not that often. But he remembers how much it sucked, and he remembers being sad, and it fucking hurts to see Philip dealing with that. He’s already been through a lot.

There’s not much Lukas can do about it, though. 

He goes to the funeral with Philip. It’s not big, not that many people come, which he guesses shouldn’t be a surprise. But Gabe and Helen go, and Philip and Lukas, and a few of Anne’s more stable friends show up. Some of the rehab center staff, too. It’s actually kind of nice. Philip shares some memories, some of Anne’s friends do. Surprisingly, Gabe stands up too, and says something real cool about how he didn’t know Anne well but she was trying hard for Philip and he respected her for that.

Lukas doesn’t say anything, because that would be weird. But he thinks maybe being there helped, maybe Philip is glad he went, because when Helen drives them home afterward Philip lets Lukas tug him across the back seat to lean into him. He presses his face into Lukas’ shoulder and he doesn’t cry, not really, not big sobs, but later Lukas’ shoulder is damp. And that’s okay. Lukas sucks at comforting anyone, but he tries, and he kind of thinks it helps.

Helen glances at them in the rearview mirror a couple times, but she doesn’t say anything. Lukas doesn’t let it get to him - or, well, maybe he kind of feels better too. Helen’s a hardass, but also a badass, and she doesn’t seem to care at all about him and Philip. Or like, maybe she’s given them her blessing? Lukas doesn’t know. He isn’t gonna ask either, because it’s _Helen_.

Gabe doesn’t glance back at them at all, doesn’t say anything, just gives them their badly-needed privacy.

Lukas runs his fingers through Philip’s hair and Philip leans into him and they just stay there, pressed together, until they’re back at Helen and Gabe’s and Lukas has to head home.

It helps, he’s pretty sure. Philip squeezes his hand when they part and gives him a smile that’s honestly kind of heartbreaking, but the fact that he can try at all is probably a good sign.

It helps Lukas, too.

He goes home. His dad was waiting up for him, and that whole thing is still pretty weird but Lukas is cautiously starting to think it’ll be okay. His dad’s trying to talk to him more, and frankly Lukas is kind of not cool with that _at all_ , but at the same time it’s - sort of nice? He doesn’t know. They’re never gonna be big about sharing their feelings, but it’s kind of cool to know he can be honest and not freak out too much about what might happen.

Bo asks about Philip, in that uncomfortable way that tells Lukas he’s still not totally down with the gay thing but he’s trying. Lukas is pretty sure that his dad is still hoping this is some kind of weird phase, that he’ll start dating girls again once he gets it out of his system. They talked about it, after he was better, after he was out of the hospital again, and it was one of the most excruciating experiences of Lukas’ life, including the time he was kidnapped by a psychotic killer.

But fuck, his dad is trying. He’s trying to be cool with it, he’s trying to accept it. He might lowkey hope it blows over and Lukas turns into the straight son he always wanted, but he at least has the decency to never say or even really imply anything like that. It’s just a feeling Lukas has, the way Bo hesitates before he says Philip’s name, the way he seems to have to force himself to ask about their plans.

It’s super awkward, but it’s about ten million times better than what Lukas expected. He figures almost getting killed twice probably helped with that, so at least something good came out of taking a bullet in the chest.

They talk about the funeral, a little. They talk about Philip a little. They’re working on it, they both are, and it’s getting better.

Philip’s not at school the next day, but Lukas doesn’t freak out. Philip texted him in the morning, saying he was gonna miss it, and so Lukas sends him a few dumb pics throughout the day - the sad state of his school lunch, his failed attempt at a charcoal drawing in art class, a grafittied dick on the side of the gym. His photos are shitty, nothing like the stuff Philip can do with even just his phone, but they make Philip smile.

Well, he thinks. Probably. Anyway, they’re a good distraction from class.

He goes to therapy that night. Gabe talked his dad into thinking it was a good idea. Lukas figured it would be dumb and awkward, but it’s actually not too bad. He can talk about pretty much whatever, and the lady doctor listens and sometimes offers advice and sometimes gives him tips on how to deal with nightmares and anxiety and shit. It’s all right.

He talks about Philip there, too, and before he knows it he’s confessing that he misses him, that they haven’t really gotten to hang out alone, that he’s worried about how Philip is dealing with his mom and stuff but he also really just wants to see him. Maybe that’s selfish or whatever, but they’ve barely been able to be alone since everything was over.

And she’s got some stuff to say about ‘time to process’ and shit like that, but in the end she suggests asking what Philip wants, asking if they can see each other.

Fuck, it seems easy when she puts it like _that_.

They text back and forth for a couple days. Philip comes back to school. They make plans.

That weekend, Lukas rides his bike over to Helen and Gabe’s.

They’re not there, out spending the day together. Lukas doesn’t know if they’d planned that already, if Philip asked them for some time alone, or if Gabe - who Lukas thinks is basically the embodiment of Cool Dad - did it on purpose. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that he and Philip get to hang for the first time in awhile.

He’s kind of worried, at first, that it’s gonna be weird. After Ryan Kane, after Anne’s death, after Lukas getting shot, after that hotel room - well, a lot of stuff has happened, and they haven’t really just hung out together since. Lukas is a little apprehensive that it won’t be like it was before.

He’s wrong, though. Philip comes out to meet him, watching as Lukas takes off his helmet and then stepping in close. Lukas doesn’t even think about it. He leans in to kiss Philip. There’s not a soul around, and Philip’s lips are impossible to resist.

It still feels _right_ , kissing him like this. He’s still warm, his lips are still soft, he still leans into Lukas like this is everything he ever wanted. In that moment, things just slot into place.

It’s easy after that, like it always has been with Philip. When it’s just the two of them, it’s always so easy, and now - well, now they don’t have to worry about a murderer. Now Lukas doesn’t have to worry about someone catching them. He’s still not really ready to go public, but his dad knows, Helen and Gabe know, Rose knows, and he kinda thinks some of the other kids at school suspect something, with him and Philip hanging out these days. It makes him uncomfortable, but not as much as he thought it would.

But that’s all stuff to worry about later. For now, it’s all the stuff that’s been so easy for them. He can’t do tricks on his bike yet - his shoulder’s still not totally healed - but they roam around Helen and Gabe’s property. Philip takes pictures of the trees and the sky and Lukas. Lukas climbs a tree, or tries to. They mess around a little, Lukas shoving a handful of leaves down Philip’s shirt and Philip swearing at him through his laughter.

His _laughter_. More than anything, that lays Lukas out, twists a little at his heart. He didn’t realize how worried he’d been. He’s been focused on his own shit, on his dad and school and maybe salvaging his motocross sponsorship, on giving his testimony to the cops and the FBI, on therapy. It was easy to ignore how worried about Philip he was. Lukas has always had a tendency to let his problems loom larger than they maybe should.

But that didn’t mean it wasn’t always there in the background. That didn’t mean he didn’t spend all week thinking about the damp spot on his shoulder, the emptiness in Philip’s eyes at the funeral.

But he’s laughing. They’re gonna be okay.

Eventually they settle in the hayloft, probably one of the few places in Tivoli that Lukas has nothing but happy memories of. Philip in his arms, music in his ears, a sweet smile that makes his breath catch.

Lukas has an arm around Philip, Philip is pressed up against his side, and they’re scrolling through Instagram on Lukas’ phone.

“I don’t know what’s weirder, that your dad and Gabe went out for a beer or that you put a pic of it on Instagram,” Philip says, shaking his head.

“Had to preserve the evidence,” Lukas says with a grin. “Double-dad inception.”

Philip scoffs, amused, and scrolls down. “It’s like the kids at school are competing to see who can post the grossest couple pic. No one wants to see Callie and Darrell with their tongues down each other’s throats.”

It is pretty gross, but Lukas has no choice but to respond with, “What, you jealous?” He leans in and kisses Philip’s neck, taking care to make it sloppy and loud. “I’m way hotter than Darrell.”

Philip yelps and pushes him off, but only to fist a hand in the front of his shirt and pull him into position for a proper kiss. “Yeah, you’re lucky that’s true,” he says, and then they’re kissing again. Lukas drops his phone, slides his other arm around Philip’s waist, and pulls him closer.

Kissing Philip always seems to light a fire inside Lukas. Maybe it’s teenage hormones, but Lukas doesn’t think so. He thinks it’s something more intense than that. It was never like this with Rose, never like this with anybody, and maybe it’s because Philip is a boy but he also thinks it’s because Philip is Philip.

Lukas leans into the kiss, demanding more, and Philip gives it. His hand slides under Philip’s shirt as their kisses deepen, as he slips his tongue into Philip’s mouth. Philip welcomes it, sliding one leg half over Lukas’ lap so he can get even closer.

Lukas was already half hard, and making out in a hayloft with Philip half on top of him isn’t helping. This is the most they’ve done since the motel, the most time they’ve had alone, and Lukas has been living off that ever since. He’s not gonna count the amount of times he’s jerked off thinking of Philip in that motel bed, thinking of all the other things they could do.

And now they’re both here, and he doesn’t know what to ask for or where to start, he just knows that he wants everything that is Philip. Every piece of him.

He kisses Philip’s jaw, his neck. He’s not sure what to do with his hands but he can’t stop touching Philip, a hand under his shirt and one cupping the back of his neck, his kisses growing hungrier. Philip’s breath is heavy. It catches when Lukas reaches down to grab his ass, not the most smooth of moves but Philip doesn’t seem to mind.

“Lukas,” he says, breathless, and it doesn’t sound like _stop_ but maybe it sounds a little like _pause_ , so Lukas does. Philip looks at him, serious, and he doesn’t seem nervous at all when he says, “can I blow you?”

“Fuck yes,” Lukas says, and if he sounds a little overeager neither of them care. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t had very detailed fantasies involving Philip’s mouth on his dick, and just like with everything involving Philip, the reality is a hundred times better.

He leans back against the hay as Philip moves downward, settling between his legs. He unbuttons Lukas’ jeans and hooks his fingers under the waistband, tugging jeans and underwear down at the same time, freeing Lukas’ cock. 

Lukas props himself up on his elbows, because he wants to see this, he wants to know what Philip looks like when he’s sucking Lukas off. And the verdict is: pretty fucking hot.

Philip wraps one hand around the base of Lukas’ cock and licks at the tip, a quick flicker of his tongue. The contact alone sends a shiver up Lukas’ spine, and when Philip leans in and takes the head of Lukas’ cock in his mouth, it’s almost too much. The warm wet heat of Philip’s mouth, the slide of his lips, the intent look on his face and the way he breathes, fuck, it’s so good.

Philip seems to know what he’s doing, and maybe he’s done this before or maybe he’s just watched a lot of porn, but whatever it is Lukas is definitely appreciative. His hand strokes Lukas while his mouth his hard at work, taking him deeper, tongue running along the underside.

Lukas reaches out, tangles a hand in Philip’s hair. He doesn’t try to keep his groan of pleasure quiet, and Philip seems to like it, the edges of a smile curving his pretty lips around Lukas’ dick. He bobs his head, tightens his grip just a little, licks and sucks at Lukas like he wants nothing else in the world, and who could take that? Who could last through Philip between their legs, sucking dick like he was born for it, like he loves doing it?

Or at least that’s what Lukas would say in his own defense, because he blows his load way faster than he expected to. It’s Philip’s fault, for being so fucking hot.

He does tug at Philip’s hair right before he comes, manages to gasp something out that he thinks is a warning, but Philip doesn’t back away. He lets Lukas come in his mouth, and though his brow wrinkles a little with something that could be surprise or mild disgust, he swallows. He lets Lukas slip out of his mouth, pulls back, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Holy shit,” Lukas says. He’s breathless and his voice sounds raw and he feels like Philip has maybe sucked half his life force out his dick, or maybe just most of his heart. He runs his fingers through Philip’s hair, down his cheek, thumb brushing his lips.

“Yeah?” Philip says, and he half-smiles, looking proud of himself. It’s pretty fucking cute. Maybe he hasn’t done this before, or maybe he just really wanted to impress Lukas. Lukas doesn’t know.

He feels warm and happy and sated, but he can see Philip’s erection straining against his jeans, and he’s not enough of an asshole to do nothing about it. Plus, he wants to. He wants to roll over and wrap his arms around Philip and nap for awhile in post-orgasm bliss, sure, but he wants to make Philip come too, wants to touch him and see the look on his face.

There’s a lot of things he could do, a lot of things he wants to do, but it’s not hard to decide.

“All right, let’s do this,” Lukas says, and he twists and pushes Philip so the other boy lands on his back in the hay, a surprised “hey!” the only protest. Mirroring Philip, Lukas settles between his legs and reaches to unbutton his jeans, only barely remembering to stop for a second, to make sure it’s okay.

He looks up and meets Philip’s eyes. “So, I don’t know what I’m doing. Tell me if I fuck up.”

Philip’s eyes are wide, but he’s smiling. “Just watch your teeth,” he says, and that’s all the encouragement Lukas needs (and also a good reminder).

He has Philip’s clothes out of the way quickly. Lukas’ memory of Philip’s blowjob honestly involves mostly extreme pleasure and the way Philip’s lips looked wrapped around him, rather than any finer points of technique, but he thinks he’s got this. He puts a hand around Philip’s cock and enjoys the way he breathes in hard at the contact, the way the muscles in his thighs tense.

Then Lukas leans in before he can psych himself out. He wants to do this, it’s just new, and it’s worried about fucking it up and worried about not liking it. Philip seemed to like doing it, and Lukas can’t say it would be _terrible_ to only be a blowjob recipient for the rest of his life, but he wants to be able to make Philip feel good. He wants to try this, he wants to figure it all out with Philip, because Philip is patient and careful and always makes sure Lukas wants everything they do. He never pushes, he never demands, he always asks.

Lukas just likes him so fucking much. He wants to like sucking his dick, too.

It’s weird at first. Philip’s leaking drops of pre-come, but it doesn’t taste _bad_ exactly, just - different. Lukas has a moment where he realizes very clearly that he has another boy’s cock in his mouth, and that maybe that should freak him out. But it doesn’t. It’s Philip.

Then Philip moans, and Lukas gets why doing this could be pretty nice.

He licks, experimentally, and Philip moans again. Then Lukas throws caution to the wind and wraps his mouth around Philip’s dick, licking and sucking, taking him in further then pulling back, sliding his hand along Philip. He’s probably sloppy and too eager, but he doesn’t care, and Philip doesn’t either - the noises he’s making are enough to prove that, and the way his hips twist as he tries to keep from arching into Philip’s mouth. Philip does stiffen once, following that up with a quick reminder about _teeth, Lukas_ , but Lukas gets the hang of it.

And he does like it. Yeah, it’s kind of weird, and maybe he likes getting blown a little more than blowing someone else, but fuck, it’s incredible to be drawing these kinds of responses out of Philip. To listen to the way he cries out, the way he asks for more. To know that Lukas is the one doing this, and to hear his name on Philip’s lips.

If he hadn’t just come, he’d be getting hard again. As it is, his cock twitches, signaling the desire if not the necessary energy, and he thinks about maybe doing this again another time, maybe sucking Philip off and then fucking him, maybe sucking him off and then having Philip jerk him off, and damn is he going to have spank bank material for awhile.

He’ll just add this all to the constant film reel from the motel room that runs in the back of his mind.

Then Philip gasps out a warning, arches his back, and he’s coming. Lukas tries to swallow it, but it’s kind of gross and he thinks this is something he’s gonna need some more practice with before he can do it like it’s nothing, the way Philip did. He swallows some, spits the rest out into the hay, and watches Philip ride out his orgasm.

He loves the way Philip looks after, all pleased and sleepy and relaxed, any tension in his jaw and brow eased away. Lukas climbs up Philip’s body, flops down next to him, not caring that they’re half naked. He just wants to hold Philip, so he does, wrapping long arms around him and pulling him close. Philip leans into him, resting against him, and he kisses Lukas’ shoulder and neck.

It kind of feels like everything’s going to be okay. He knows it’s soon to be thinking something like that, and maybe he’s just in a sex-induced haze of happiness, but he thinks things will be okay. Philip seems happier, and they’re together, and it’s all right. 

He tugs at a piece of Philip’s hair, remembers something he was going to ask. Philip hasn’t been at school much, hasn’t been doing much else, but - well, today was really good. Great, even. And Lukas has kind of been thinking about stuff.

“Hey, I got a facebook invite for a party out in Red Hook next week. Wanna go?”

He figures even odds Philip will say no, so he’s surprised - happily so - when he gets a sleepy shrug and a “Sure” instead.

“You ok being seen with me?” Philip says, and there isn’t any bitterness in the question. They haven’t talked about it, not really, but Lukas is pretty sure they both know it’s only a matter of time. Philip’s given him that, all the time he needs, and he’s not sure he’s ready yet, but - well, maybe.

“I’m taking you,” Lukas says, and that seems to be enough of an answer for both of them, at least for now. Philip curls in closer against him, finds Lukas’ hand, and tangles their fingers together.

It’s gonna be okay.


End file.
